She’s sexxxyy.– Evan to me about a lady in an underwear commercial. ugh.
You were a real dick….in the butthole.– I should really watch the way I speak around him sometimes because he puts sentences together so appropriately with classy words like this…
DSS ON YOU!
Ev: You have to put that on first!
Marci: Or what?
Ev: OR DSS ON YOU! (points to me) And you'll have to make me dinner every night because mama will be on DSS.
You have boobs too…and it’s awkward…– gee thanks Ev…
1! 2!……….3! You are on time out!! You just sit right there and...– Ev yelling at me and me trying to say I’m not a little girl while I’m sitting there with his pirate hat on……He is pretty fair with his punishments though, I will give him that much…
See how it looks with my sunglasses on and my hood up? Ballin, right?...– I definitely did something right with this kid….
I'm clearly super uncool....
Marci: Did you know Auntie had a whole tumblr devoted to you? Pretty cool, huh?
Ev: It is NOT cool if she doesn't like the Beibs, OKAY WOMEN!?
Arise.ARRIIISSSEEEE Lady Gaga!– Evan. I didnt even know 4 year olds knew who Lady Gaga was…
How does this child even know about A Bronx Tale?!
My Sister: You have to learn to read and write, Ev. Mommy isn't going to be there to do it for you, forever.
Evan: Of course you are. Where do you have to go? NOWHERE. YOU GOT NOWHERE TO GO MARIE!
I like the booooobs laaayyydeeeee– Evan to a Mannequin as we walked by it in Macys….awkward child.
Knock ‘em dead, kiddo!– Evan to the hokey-pokey Elmo his sister was playing with as he knocks it over. What a psycho hah
She sets it up like hopscotch! But it’s laaaaddddyyy prooooof!– Evan describing the way I put my rummy-cube runs down. He definitely sang the last part of that too. Pretty great.
Never thought I'd hear the last line come out of a...
Evan: I'm an X-man
Me: Oh yeah? What's your power?
Evan: I haven't sorted that out yet... Why? Is that bad?
Keep doing the buttocks show.– What he said to my brother in law while taking a picture of him.
Why are babies so douchey?– Ev to his mother after his little sister destroyed the forrrttrtrrrreeeeess of jussssticcccceeeeee
Is the boy’s hole his penis?– After repeating the troll toll song from It’s Always Sunny at the playground, and being told not to.
Do you need glasses woman?!– To my sister (his mother) when she was having trouble trying to get the on demand to work and apparently taking too long.
I need to make a stench.– Ev (telling my brother in law he had to get into the bathroom to poop)